Dating. Love. Marriage.

Ah dating. Something that is in all of our lives, yet as time goes on, it seems less and less appealing. Maybe you’re tried of going on dates with the same kind of people. Maybe you’re only interested in marriage but aren’t finding marriage material. Maybe you keep falling into committed relationships that you really aren’t interested in. If any of this sounds like you, I encourage you to keep reading. I might just have a perspective that you have never though of before.

Let me present you with the idea of progression when it comes to the dating-commitment-marriage process. These steps are important, and if it all possible, should be kept in order for best results. The first step is dating, second is courtship, the next is engagement, then last but not least, marriage (insert Princess Bride monologue). Each step should lead into succession of each other for best success.

The date. Once this was one of the most exciting things that could happen, but now is looked at with a little bit of dread, or even just a ticket to a free meal. In the case of myself, I always dreaded dates simply because I thought that it was an invitation for long-term commitment that I was just not ready for. Now I see that I’ve got it all backwards. Dates are an amazing way to just get to know someone. Dates do not mean that you’re going to marry them if you go on one or two dates with them. Dates are meant to be fun, casual, and a time to create new friendships. A date is a time set aside for you and one other person. The prophets of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have asked us to have a very specific type of date. They suggest that a date needs to be planned, paid for, and paired off. Why are these things so important? When a date is planned, you show the other person that you have cared enough to put something together to create an environment best suited for getting to know the other person in a non-judgmental way. A date helps to develop skills for small talk and helps you figure out how to not be so awkward. Paid for shows that the recourses have been put in necessary for the date to go well (note how I didn’t say ‘smoothly’ or ‘as planned’ because the date does not have to be perfect in order for it to be fun). Lastly, when a date is paired off it means that it is 100% set who you’re going with. No question. When this happens, you’re demonstrating commitment. Now don’t freak out to much, this is more like practice commitment than actual commitment. Go on lots of dates with a bunch of different people and narrow it down from there. If you find yourself in the position where people aren’t asking you, or you’re too afraid to ask… well… just do it. Fears cannot be overcome unless you face them. So ask that person who you think is way out of your league, or say yes to that person who you maybe don’t see yourself with. You may be surprised with the results.

Next is courtship. You may be asking, what the heck is the difference between courtship and dating? Aren’t they the same? No. No they are not. This is the step that you become committed to another person by being exclusive with them. This is the part where you test your commitment at a higher level, and you kind of have the opportunity to test each other. You should not be in this step if you are not ready to commit yourself to marriage. Don’t let that scare you though. When you find someone that you’re ready to be committed to in a courtship, you might just find that the idea of marriage looks better and better.

Onto engagement! It is so sad to me that this stage can sometime be the scariest of them all. Nowadays there is a feeling that even if you’re engaged, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll get married. There is just kind of a hope that it’ll last and that no one will get cold feet until you say, “I do”. Engagement should be just as fun if not more fun then while you where courting. This stage should mean that you’ve found someone that you can’t imagine yourself with out, and it’s easy to be with, and love them.

Finally!!! Marriage!!! Marriage is truly the most exciting time, and it really should be something that you look forward to. Marriage is so much more than what today’s society paints it to be. Marriage is such a beautiful and wonderful time to continue to get to know each other, and better yet, have someone to help you grow. Marriage is where you find your best friend, the love of your life, and a constant companion. If you don’t have that when you first get married, don’t worry. A marriage is something you build, not something that magically happens.

No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. That’s okay. Life is a time meant to grow and build upon things that you learn to create a beautiful life. Don’t be afraid of these four steps. Each one leads to something really beautiful and amazing.