Communication

Communication that is one thing that in my opinion that every single one of us always needs to work on. Each one of us communicates different and receives the information being communicated different. There are verbal ques, facial ques, physical ques, the list goes on. Communication is such a hard thing and sometimes, we think that sense we’re talking, we’re effectively communicating. That, however, is not the case. Communication should be easy. But the fact is, it really just is not. It is so difficult for us to put into words how we are feeling. In reality, communication is symbols and feelings are feelings, so how on earth are we supposed to change our feelings into symbols that others can best understand?

            In today's world there are so many ways to communicate with other people. We have face to face, text messaging, FaceTime, social media, email, a not so popular method such as mail, and I’m sure you could think of some other methods of communication that I could not. Within those base communications we have layers (insert Shrek reference). Face to face communication has the most layers and is the easiest form of communication to gain understanding. There is tone, facial expression, physical touch, eye contact and so on. Within the other forms of communication, there are large benefits such as keeping in contact with those who are far away from us that we love and hold dear, but these forms can also hold detriment. Within my own personal life, many misunderstandings and family feuds that have caused a great deal of heart ache because of the misunderstandings of, and the preference of using social media to fight battles rather than to speak to others and resolve issues face to face. Many think that sending a message, or using social media is a good way to inform the other party of how you are feeling because you do not want confrontation. No one wants confrontation, and no one wants to bring up something that they feel would make a situation awkward. By doing this, you can make the other person feel that you are making light of the situation. You also miss out on very important conversational ques. By the use of social media, the situation could be prolonged, and others may become involved that never needed to be. Never use social media as a form of communication for important matters. Face to face communication is the best way to address this and the best way to come to a good resolution.

            Next, we see the issue of lack of communication. With the lack of communication within a family or group, people tend to assume roles and positions. This can cause people to feel like they have a bigger burden placed on their shoulders because it was never discussed what each person would take on. This person will feel more responsibility and more stress, leading to the connection between people to suffer. Respect will decrease and contention will occur. So, with all of these problems and complications involving communication, how do we as families and individuals deal? I bet the first thing that came to your mind was compromise. Compromise seems to be the golden solution that everyone talks about that will just magically fix everything. The thing about compromise though, is that usually, no one ends up happy. The idea behind it is that I fight and get as much as I possibly can out of the situation will you fight and get as much as you possibly can out of the situation. I want a horse and you hate animals, so we get a fish. I hate fish but I’m satisfied we have an animal. You hate fish but you’re satisfied I’m satisfied… I don’t know about you, but I would much rather be happy than satisfied. Next, we have the “I’ll decide this time and you can decide next time”.  This model can be extremely frustrating because this can lead to great deals of inconsistency and blame. If you don’t let your voice be heard, then you almost always end up upset and somewhat resentful. The last one I would like to mention is deferment. Deferment is the “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” This one is frustrating to both parties and can lead to nothing getting done at all. This can be helpful in showing that you care about how your spouse is feeling and what they want to say, but when it continues to bounce back and forth, nothing gets done, and it can be extremely frustrating.

            Now that I’ve shot so many things down, you’re thinking well what on earth should I do now? This would be the council method. The council method is the most useful tool that a family could have. It is a time where either you as a couple, or as a family sit down, discuss issues at hand, and have the interest of what is best for everyone in mind. Set aside personal opinion and invite Heavenly Father to preside in the meeting by opening with prayer and asking him to guide the meeting. Wonderful things will happen when you do this and your lives will truly be blessed when you seek the council of the Lord, and to do the Lords will.